Oh, this is the level of consistency I would ask if I was ever reincarnated as myself when I die. 2 days, 2 blogs, one happy meal. It’s all good.
I am writing this post as Bon bon sleeps quite soundly, only to be annoyed with the sound of the shuttlecock (precursor? yes) thrown towards Neko. She has been a superb even on my standards these days as she defended the house for about 5 days only with Neko as her almost useless sidekick. But luck has not been on her side lately, as she attempted a mega surprise to pick me up at Gare du Lyon last night, only to have her seamlessly well executed plan slam thwarted by the stupidity emitted from the king of Rue St. Maur.
Please correct me if I’m wrong, but I apparently I told her that I was arriving at 6:30PM, but I have no recollection of this misinformation. My train gingerly arrived at 5:30PM and once I was home and Neko was crawling ever so sweetly yet connivingly annoying all over the laptop, the phone call from her was one that made me feel like a sober dope.
“Where are you?”, questions Bon bon, only for me to admit that I was already home, using our recently installed 21st century artifact that is the Wifi (pronounced “wee-fee” en francais, but don’t tell anyone). So, she was disappointed a) for not having the chance to surprise me and b) for having a man who at the tender age of 31 can’t read his arrival time. A big post-it to self: Never let this happen again.
Last night was a relaxing affair as Bon bon hurried off to Yoga with her lady friend, I was in charge of picking up the film of the evening. I have heard on a brilliant and I mean brilliant film review podcast called Filmspotting (nee CineCrack) long while back in my mother’s womb that this film called “Short Bus” was good. Now that I think about it, it was mentioned on Filmspotting, but then I have no idea whether it was good or bad or why I even bothered. As we ate dinner, we witnessed a) a Canadian Chinese woman getting fucked with all her bits hanging out and I mean all b) a gay three-some c) a dude sucking his own cock.
Before you get on the “ewwww” band wagon, I have to say that a dude trying to suck his own cock and cumming into his own mouth was disgusting, but highly entertaining. I was cheering him on as he inched ever so close to his thingy. “Come on dude, you can do it.” Strange, but very true. Bon bon, not expecting any of these adult content was sincerely traumatized and her virginal eyes were deflowered by this film and by Vishnu, she will never be the same.
I have to admit, until last night I have NEVER seen a full on gay male fuck. More precisely, prior to last night, I have never seen a gay male fuck for longer than 33 seconds. Read on.
I have asked my dear friend Mr. O, who is a nice gay man about the ins and outs (oh god, please make me stop all the funny stuff) of male to male relationship as well as the stuff that happens between and on and off the sheet. After him confessing that gay males are ever so susceptible to unstable relationships, I asked him why.
“You like to fuck right?” says Mr. O.
“Yes, I do” replied yours magnificently.
“So, if all men like to fuck, imagine two men in a relationship.” challenges Mr. O.
It was a chandelier in Hogwarts moment with a legal aged Hermione dancing the queen for me. Problem solved, let’s all move on.
The film was a dud, but it reminded me of an episode at my alma mater, the one in Jersey. I was living with 5 other boys and we, as we all know how boys are at this age and beyond, were red cell saturated boys. One evening, one of my flatmates calls me into his room. He tells me that I really should check this porn out. When I entered the room there were others there with an obvious grin on their faces. The porn was on and I could see this guy fucking a girl from behind. I could see the dude’s ass, but couldn’t make out the girl. The pounding doggy style ensued for about 33 odd seconds and gradually something was clicking in my head. The “girl” was ever so slightly more muslcey than usual. Suddenly it hit me or shall we say the angle on the screen changed. I witnessed the “girl” was sporting a ding dong and I had my, “Holy schnikeys!” coming out of my oh so agape grill. You should never think you’ve seen it all until you see two men fucking, that’s what I say. It was a brief moment of the other side of the world and it was weird. Even more strange is that my friend’s claim that he apparently picked this video off the street somewhere in Long Island. Really?
Coming back to Short Bus, having three men instead of two men fucking was like watching Animal Planet, but with apes with less hair. I just kept on anthropologically asking myself, “How could another man be sexually turbo-charged by another man that he wants to suck his cock and eat his ass?”. The answer came (oh god, please don’t stop) at the end of the film, as I composed my thoughts and came up with a oh so profound conclusion: I will never understand, ass this is truly a man’s world. In the next life, I’d like to become a comedian. A funny one.
But, I can proudly and honestly say that I do have a man crush on some men. Like Tyler Durden, I want to be a tough piece of shit, like John McClane, I want to smoke them cigarettes, and like Spider Man, I want to be a hero. After s’il vous plaiting Bon bon to no end, it was my dream come true tonight as we watched my super hero of my dream in action for the 3rd time. The film was okay, too many bafoons in one film, but I still have this sentimental crush on Spider Man.
Maybe because when I saw the first one, this whore dumped me like a whore and I was down in the dumps. Maybe because like Peter, my uncle who was like a father to me died unexpectedly. Maybe because I am a photographer, but a better one than Parker. Maybe because I lived a bit in New York. Maybe because he’s a nerd and I never was. Maybe he can’t say I love you and I can’t sometimes. Maybe because Peter Parker and Spider Man have the attributes that makes him the man I want to become.
Maybe sometimes in the future, I’ll be sporting blue and red full on spandex and slinging cobwebs and doing upside down kisses on Bon bon.
Actually we did try it and it’s a bit weird. I guess I’m not Spider Man yet.
T’il next time.
