Taste of Nerd

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As the evening is rocking in full swing and Bon bon sleeps once again quite soundly, but this time without the snoring instead she suffers patiently with grace from a nasty case of an ear canal infection.  My her courage earn her a place in the Dr.’s chair tomorrow afternoon.

Broken news just in: Oui, Mme et M, I am busting it Solaar, the language of love, passion, and tardiness.  French has decided to go all out and bloom like a deranged cherry blossom for a limited run of one week.

Now that I think about it, I wouldn’t be running the clock completely backwards (except for the ueber masculine haircut circa 1994) to my days in HIKIS as a part time French learner, but instead I would be Wiiing my limbs rather haphazardly in front of our mega 13 inch television.  This one intense fucker of all-you-can-French has been kindly donated by my wonderful Bon bon on my death defying 31st birthday, only to be met with my scowl as my dream of Wiiing my way to a career in Wiibowling went into the gutter.  Really, I’m giving you the best joke you’ll most definitely hear all day.

The class started on Monday the 16th,  with our teacher being stereotypically French.  She was late.  She came 42 minutes after we have taken our lucky seats of the day.  Since I found myself this particular morning somewhere nowhere and somewhat wondering around the vicinity of my school completely lost out of my senses, I was the last to enter the classroom.  2 minutes late, but 40 minutes earlier than Mme Hysteria.

Sat down and took my shirt off, but hold on to your ovaries ladies, I donned 2 shirts this particular morning. My back was against a radiator which was enough to slow cook a stew, agony poured in with a 24 C weather beating me through the east facing window.

I was nervous.  What if I’m like the dumbest kid in class?  What if I’m not cool enough to hang out with the cool kids?  What if they figure out that I really don’t have a 18 inch cock?  What if I forgot all the “Francais est bon” during my sophomore year at HKIS?

As the class rolled on, to my utter dismay and glee, I knew that I was by far the best, smartest, and most likely the sexiest beast in class.  What gives?  These people were amateurs, coming into the league with no experience, what the fuck.  They knew nothing about French.  I on the other brain has been beaten to pulp with French for the past 3 months, engaging in half bummed conversation with Bon bon’s friends on a weekly basis, shaming myself to a new low by being humiliated at the local boulangerie on a daily basis, and deciphering the subtitles on the DVDs every waking basis.

I have become a nerd.

The teacher knew that I was the most informed as she would use me in class to demonstrate my sky-”Vous allez bien?”, no look-”Je ne sais quoi”, and game winning-”Ouai”.  I was on fire, en fuego, en feu.  Nobody can guard me, nobody can stop me, and most of all everyone knew that I was the MAN.

Then it suddenly really hit me.  I started to feel this strangeness popping in my head at various intervals.  It was a feeling of being superior to the others and knowing and being absolutely certain that I, the 31 year old, was being paranoid of my excellenceness.  I knew all those conversations with Bon bon’s friend and answering telemarketing phone calls were bearing its fruit, but why am I feeling like I shouldn’t be proud of my studliness?

It’s because nerds are not cool.

I’ve never been a good student.  Ask my friends from high school and they will tell me that once, I got a 27 on my physics exam.  In Cantonese, 27 equals “yee sup-chat”.  I was semi-nicknamed after this disastrous score.  Although it was coined in jest, I knew that never in trillion years, I will be as brainy as Backboardslap nor would I have the genius of not studying for the SAT a la “The” Alaskan Assassin.  My performance in University wasn’t too bad, but then selecting John Jay as my graduate school for forensic psychology became a butt end of a nice joke.  I teflonned these memories away as I somehow knew that schooling wasn’t my max forte.

Side note: I took AP Physics because I thought it was the “in” thing to do.  Garcon, I was wrong.

So more than 10 years removed from my “yee sup-chat”, I was the one administering the internal disses to the minions of the classroom and all I wanted was to not be there.  Somehow being the best made me wanted to be less.  Joie de vivre was not to be.  As the day drew to a close, I wanted not answer all the questions, rather doodling on my textbook and looking nonchalantly dumb was the way to pass my time in this uncomfortable bubble.

Then it hit me like a Balboa.

I’m not in high school, I’m not in university, and I’m definitely not in John Jay Community College.  I’m a 31 year old beast who can give two shits what others think of me.  I’m here to learn and to earn what a 275 Euros worth of Bon bon’s money can French me in une semain.  I’m the best and the rest are shite.  Please beware that the other people in my class are very nice people.  It’s just there French isn’t up to par with my par excellence.

The following day I was en plus en feu.  It really got to a point that I was leaving 3rd degree Franco burns on everyone that I intentionally slowed down so that the others can participate and get their moneys worth. Maturity has peek a booed at a strange place.

I’m a geek and I’m a nerd.  I’ve now come out of both closets and I feel damn well good.  Let the burning continue tomorrow morning and I shall bathe in the sea of well-intentioned, sanctimonious, self absolving, nerdiness for the next 3 days.

Just call me dieu de francais (Restricted to Beginner’s level at 9AM, Monday to Friday, Room R512).

T’il next time.

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